Zapped

I don't know about you, but growing up, I looked at the characters in the Bible as God's favorites, the ones that He decided to write about. As I got older, that mindset came in conflict with what I was ACTUALLY reading. David? Sending Bathsheba's(who names their kid that really?...) hubs to the front line so that he can...well, you know. What is THAT about? I thought David was a man after God's own heart! I mean...he took down Goliath, right? Or Moses...taking another man's life? Then I started to relate to the characters more..."Oh OK...they're mostly like me...good for the most part with a screw up here and there."

Some days, the more I feel like I'm the Pharisee. Some days I feel like I am the hypocrite, the one that Jesus is yelling at. I read stories like that of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5. They sold this land and gave part but told the church they gave all. Peter straight UP calls them out and says that they lied to GOD. And then they get ZAPPED. Literally. And Peter even says(in my own words), "WHOA. Wasn't the money yours to begin with and to do what you would? You could have given part or nothing at all, but don't try to cover it up, you ignant fools. Get ready 'cause you's about to die."

It comes down to me 1)finding my sense of grace in my own works and 2)failing to remind myself of GOD's grace. But some days I'm just exhausted...worn out...not feeling the love that my brain knows is there. And God does HATE sin, especially hypocrisy. In Romans 12:9, we are commanded to ABHOR what is evil and cling to what is good. The Greek word that Paul uses is apostygeo(pronounced ah-pah-stuh-GEH-oh) has this connotation of being horrified, overwhelmed, hating. I don't know about you, but I seriously have such an issue with justifying sin--especially if I can't see the direct consequences of my sin. Now...REGARDLESS, our hatred of sin should have a base of love for the Lord, thankfulness that He has already saved us from the sin, and a TRUST in Him that He has commanded us what He has for a reason. BUT, I'm reading this book by Chip Ingram called Living on the Edge. I recommend it! At first, he did that thing that Christian writers do where they ask, "Do you struggle with _____? Well then this book will help you by ______..." and I QUICKLY grow weary(and wary) of those. God was good and spurred me on to keep reading, and it's really remarkable how much I relate to the material. It's solid stuff. Anyway, he recently said this:

"As you meet with a group of fellow believers or with a close friend in Christ and begin to pray and talk about deep issues of the heart, you don’t share what’s really going on because there are areas in your life and your heart that must remain hidden. And so you begin to wear a mask. You begin to pretend. And the grace of God and the power of authentic community are not available to you, nor do you give this power to others. Relationships become more and more superficial, filled with Christian clichés and religious jargon. Your soul shrinks and the guilt rises. After a while you find you don’t want to be around committed believers, hear God’s Word, or participate in activities that force you to confront your hypocrisy. Loneliness and isolation become your silent partners, while God longs for you to come home, come clean, and be restored. "

Ingram, Chip (2009). Living on the Edge

UGH. Way to hit it on the head. Once again, letting the shame and guilt whittle it's way into our psyche. It's like we're on self-destruct mode or something. I'm always comforted by Paul in Romans 7, verse 15: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Like at least PAUL screwed up too, right? And although shame loves company, again, I say, FIGHT. Let's fight this, eh? Let's seek the Lord, seek truth, pray for desire, pray for discipline in obedience. I've said this before, but let's not suffer in silence; if we would all be honest about our struggles, admitting to ourselves that EVERYONE struggles as deeply if not deeper than we do, we could start fighting Satan instead of each other. And if you're reading this, and you know me personally, will you call me out? If there is something in my life that you think needs refining(from a Biblical standard) tell me! Seriously. I welcome it!


Totally unrelated side note: I recently judged someone I knew. They just rubbed me the wrong way. And then God kept driving me to learn a little bit more about them, and it completely changed my perspective. Constantly being reminded that 1)I can not love on my own 2)People are a product of their sin nature and history just like me and 3) Sometimes the things in others that we see and dislike are the VERY things that we struggle with and maybe dislike about ourselves.

Shalom,

KP

John 13:34-35
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.