A Mile in Someone Else's Flippers

I didn't put on flippers that weren't mine...or flippers at all. But swimming has been the only exercise I've been cleared to do pre-physical therapy, and after two months of having to be mostly sedentary, I've taken to the water like a....simile sinking like Jack in Titanic.

I've always loved the water, but I've never been formally trained with athletic swimming, so I reached out for tips and tricks. The boyfriend of a girl in my community group was shockingly intuitive with his advice...never having seen me swim, he hit the nail on the head.

As with most things in the world's natural operation, spiritual parallels abound. I don't think God created the world as He did or spoke in parables for nothing....it's in these pictures of the Christian life that I'm able to more deeply understand His principles and how to walk with Him and shift my perspective on something like, say, for purely hypothetical example, swimming, into an opportunity to dwell on "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable."

Tip 1:Breathe

I don't know if you've discovered this, but you can't do much for very long without breathing, especially physical activity. The more breath you inhale, the greater capacity your body has to do what you're asking it to do. C'es la vie.

Similarly, in a spiritual sense, the more you abide in Christ, the more ability you have to live out the life God designed you to live. Without regularly "breathing in" good, healthy air, you're going to get tired, then dizzy, then unconscious, and then dead. We can't do anything on our own, and we weren't made to try. John 15:5-8

Tip 2:Watch That Form

Form is a drag(ha!). It would be nice to just mindlessly glide through the water without thinking about the position of your legs, tightness of your abs, entry angle of arms into the water, your hand and finger tension, angle of your head etc. However, it takes more  discipline and practice than I can fathom to get to a place where you don't have to consciously think through copious factors. Even then, you'll never really get to zone out, but it might feel like less of a fight to keep track of everything. Without proper form, you can move faster and feel like you're getting somewhere, but you're exhausted. If you're deliberate, slower, more controlled movements equal more ground made.

 In the same way, it's a daily battle to be committed to the disciplines of studying Scripture, prayer, fellowship, service, accountability, etc., but without them, you're splashing the water with no forward movement. You can absolutely try to follow God on your own power, but you will end up exhausted and find that you lost ground. 1 Timothy 4:8-10

Tip 3: Keep Your Head Down

It's tempting in a lane in a pool of water to look forward along the bottom of the pool or even to the wall. But when you do so, your neck cranes forward, arching your body and creating drag in the water as well as putting you at an awkward angle to turn your head and breathe.

It's also tempting to look forward to tomorrow, wondering what it will bring, pondering the different ways we could manipulate our lives to feel a little more in control. But Scripture instructs us to not be anxious about anything in life for tomorrow has enough anxieties of its own. In expending energy for tomorrow, we miss what's right in front of us and rob ourselves of the ability to be fully present and to contribute to the glory of God today. Matthew 6:33-34

I could go on about kickboards and how His love keeps us afloat or goggles and the ability to see in an unfamiliar environment, but then I would reveal what I am- the chiefest of over-thinkers. It may seem silly, but I'm just thankful that God is present and making Himself known in the most seemingly irrelevant places. I pray that every moment of every day turns my affections toward Him, and I pray the same for you.

Just keep swimming, folks.

Being a Jerk and Coming Home

I heard Ben Stuart at Breakaway speak about how we rebel against this idea of God’s just nature….it makes us uncomfortable…this idea that we might owe God a recompense for a wrong done. Ben began countering this argument with the idea that we actually love justice…when we hear about a dog-abuser, child-molester, or murderer being put behind bars, we rejoice. We have an innate desire to see justice done. But, Ben added that the severity of the offense is always congruent with the victim of the offense. If you shoot a man on the street, yes you’re in big trouble. If you shoot the President of the United States, you have just affected the entire country, and the consequences will be direr(had no idea direr was the comparative adjective for dire…..wow). His argument was thus: if we demand justice for a dog being beaten, how much MORE of an offense is it for the created being to rebel against the omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and immutable Creator and Savior of the entire universe? We can have not even an inkling of what we deserve as recompense.

Thus enters the sweetest story ever told… the story of a Father pursuing His wayward child, alluring His precious one to just. come. home. The Father sees how much destruction the child has wrought in trusting in their own understanding and going their own way, and He's pained. He wants them to see that even though the child burned the bridge to return, He stepped down in humility and condescension to build it back all the stronger. He paid the price we earned; He took the punishment for all…on a physical level on the cross and a spiritual level in experiencing God’s terrible but much-deserved wrath.

Yesterday, I was surprised to hear that I had unknowingly hurt someone pretty badly in the past by one of my many sinful patterns, and my heart was incredibly heavy because of it. That I, a Christ-follower, would cause a sister to feel anything less than Christ’s love and grace toward her, was a shock to my soul. I felt shame and helplessness that I had been oblivious to the effects of my sin, and I felt uncomfortable knowing that I had an imbalance, something owed, and something to reconcile. I immediately reached out to seek forgiveness, and it was given freely and even came with a circle she humbly drew around herself to accept her small part in the situation. I was truly moved greatly by this experience, firstly, by how it pointed to my dependence on Christ to change my stupidly wicked heart, and secondly, that I would be extended such undeserved grace. There was an immediate feeling of peace and of relief….a breath of fresh air that the “balance” had been restored…

My next thought was that as much as I consider the Gospel; as much as I preach His forgiveness and desire to be in relationship with me to myself, it’s not enough. If a relatively small human offense and reconciliation brings such joy(thank God for analogies), how much more peace should a reconciliation to the Alpha and Omega after the most severe crime ever perpetrated bring to my life?

An old hymn reads, “All the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace,” and truer words were never spoken. If the Gospel is true, what need have I to please man? What need have I of riches or comfort or control with the blessed assurance that I have been adopted as a daughter of the First and the Last? What other goal do I have in life but to point others toward the Healer of all hurts and Defeater of all death?

I hope that you, “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say rejoice. The Lord is at Hand.”(Phil. 4:4), and that Romans 13:11-12 rocks your world today. “And do this(love your neighbor), understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.” Praying that you would remember how He has brought us out of Egypt, is leading us to the Promised Land, and providing guidance and sustenance on the way. I pray that you look to Him as your Cornerstone today and that you rest in His strength, laying every hindrance aside that encumbers you to run the race He's set before you.

 

Go in peace, loved one!

A Heavy Weight

Do you like that super dramatic running photo? Yeah me too. You're welcome.

I know I've been fairly transparent in my efforts toward wellness when I was “rocking it,” but I would be remiss if I did not also share my failures and shortcomings. Because humanity and life are not always perfect and not always a perfect success story, recognizing and giving yourself grace in all things keeps us humble and reflects the grace we've been given in Christ.

January 2013 I started a journey of health and fitness. There were ups, and there were downs, physically and emotionally. I struggled my whole life with my weight, largely due to a lifestyle of comfort eating and mind-numbing laziness after my father passed away when I was a child.

Before I embarked on this journey, my life was a cycle of failed efforts, shame because of the failure, and falling deeper into those habits to deal with the shame(much like other issues in life really). During my journey, it was much the same. I was driven by performance, striving for the numbers on the scale and my identity being held in “the girl that beat the odds and obesity,” instead of true health and treating my body as a gift from God. I sometimes cut my calories to unhealthy levels. I sometimes obsessed over working out, and if I missed a day felt quite a bit of guilt. I lived in fear that I would be injured or that I would fall back into bad habits…I didn't want to be that story—the girl who lost all the weight and then screwed it all up. And it was never good enough—I enjoyed the new muscle tone and energy and smaller, better-fitting clothes, but I was still discontent. And I believe that even if I hit 110 pounds on my 5’6” frame(which, granted, would be underweight as well as ridiculous on my relatively muscular build), I would still be unhappy and still find something to critique.

And the fact is that I HAVE taken a step back…when I was diagnosed with sciatica last spring, my mind blew it way out of proportion…my fears had been realized, and I was off the wagon...no dusting myself off and doing what I could to manage the diagnosis until I could figure something out. I quit. And I’ve dealt with a lot of guilt for not being on the regimen and quite a bit of fear that I would never get back on it (from years of that hopeless pattern). And to be honest, it’s genuinely really nice to not want to work out and flake on the gym. It’s easy to spend that extra hour completely immobile. And it’s REAAAAALLLLY great to eat food that’s not even remotely healthy. Literally every 32 of my teeth are sweet teeth.

And I’m tempted to regret my step back….especially knowing what hard work it will be to step back into it, but I’m thankful for the perspective that comes from removing one’s self from living how one was created to live . The contrast is motivating…if you have a faith or spirituality, it’s much the same. When you’re disciplined in walking in that faith and clinging to the hope and joy it brings, you’re less easily shaken because you’re lingering where you were meant to linger…and sometimes it’s only after you get out of that habit that you realize how beneficial it was to be where you were. Having been off the wellness wagon, I remember how much better it was to be physically disciplined: how much energy and strength I had, how much more centered I felt, and how rewarding it was knowing that I was honoring God with my “temple.”

Having shared all that(in my typically verbose manner), I’m excited to start back, excited for the challenge and the benefits. I’m learning that women in particular strive for perfection-our culture and media paint an often completely unrealistic, unattainable picture of the perfect physical specimen as the only option to love yourself and to consider yourself worthy of acceptance, and although both genders face this pressure from the judge’s chair of society, women arguably feel this weight(pun intended) to a more extreme extent. 

Going forward, I want to go about this journey differently…I want to have a firmer focus on HEALTH….with the knowledge that I am beautifully and wonderfully made and that I am a soul and far more than my physical appearance and that I want to live life to the fullest possible and as long as God decides to keep me here, I want to strive and thrive. I want to be a champion of living in the truth that your identity is not in your weight whether you’re underweight or obese but also in the truth that God’s design is best. I don’t want to obsess over performance or success in endeavors because Christ’s love covers all letdowns and weaknesses and is arguably proclaimed louder in them. Here’s to living in the freedom for which He has set us free and running the race, both literally and metaphorically, set before us.

Go in peace, this weekend friends. Thanks for tuning in.

A New Day Will Come

I woke up weeping last night after a nightmare in which a dearly beloved pet died. I've never had a pet die, but I automatically knew the section of my complicatedly crafted psyche from which the dream materialized. Grief.


Father's Day looms for me every year...with marketing and advertising hailing fathers(accurately) as a vital part of the family unit and a provider of security, love, identity, leadership, and wisdom, I can't help but be reminded of what my family lacked in our formative years and of the grief that still has its roots in our family today.

And another life...crafted tenderly and delightedly by God, ended yesterday. James, a kiddo from Youth Impact, a ministry to youth in the poverty culture that I was surpassingly blessed to be a part of in college, died yesterday. I'm still rather in shock. A face that smiled freely, a laugh that echoed loudly, a spirit the flourished joyfully, we are deprived of for the rest of our time on earth.

Last night as I sat in shock and sadness, God spoke a beautiful truth to me. If my father hadn't passed away, I wouldn't have moved to Texas and joined a wonderful youth group with wonderful people who taught me what a relationship with God looked like. I wouldn't have gone to Texas A&M(lots of other pieces to this puzzle, but I'll go with the most direct route), I wouldn't have had the passion for a culture that often lacks positive father figures and joined Youth Impact and met James. So even in the grief, I believe God's plan really does reign supreme and sovereign, and that His desire is for our lives here to be greater because we know Him. 

And my soul cries out that it's not right. Something deep inside of me that was created for eternity, for unbroken and unwavering joy and peace in the presence of God yearns with an arched back and clenched teeth desperately for something more than broken hearts, school shootings, terrorism, violence, and hatred. We were not made for unhappy endings, and every end of a life is vastly unhappy.

So who makes it right? Who restores what is broken? Who tells me to rejoice always? Someone who hurts infinitely more at the disparity of what the world is and what it should have been. But also someone who knows infinitely more the next chapter of the story in which He will knit the raggedly torn universe back together again. With that knowledge, with the belief that the beauty that IS in the current world....mountains, oceans, held hands, marriage, sunshine on my skin, breeze playing with the branches of the trees....is barely a shadow of the glory that God has to recreate...that for those that trust in Christ, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away,"(Revelation 21:4), with that knowledge comes great hope. 

Hebrews 11 speaks of a greater inheritance-of men that did not see God's promises come to pass on Earth, but they remained faithful followers because of the hope for a greater future Then in Hebrews 12, Paul brings his point to fruition in this: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

As difficult as this life is sometimes to trudge through, I have to salute the crazy creativity of God. Stories that are full of happy rainbows and unicorns the whole time might be nice, but might leave us hankering for a plot. I think the reason we relate to stories that weave a tangled web with conflict and action but then are wrapped up in happy conclusion with conflict resolved and anguish comforted is because that's our story. 

I'll leave this Lord of the Rings quote to wrap up in true nerd fashion. My boy Tolkein knew what was what.

Sam:It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered.Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

Daddy Issues

Daddy and I at Virginia Beach-- 3 y/o

       I just turned nine two days ago. I wake to hands gently shaking me; I look to the clock and it's early...really early. Hands guide me downstairs to the living room where Pastor, Brother, and Sister wait. My sleepy nine year old brain clicks that something must be wrong. Hands seat me, the hands of my mother. She kneels in front of my brother, sister, and I, and words that will destroy us exit her mouth: "Daddy was in a car wreck." I'm about to ask her if he was OK, and she breaks down. Arms embrace me, and I look at my pastor who wears a pitiful look on his face, and I think to myself, "What is Grandma going to say?"

       Thus began almost fourteen years of healing. Of course, I don't think you ever really heal from something like that...there is always pain and grief where a loved one is missing...definitely learning that the hard way. I won't talk about its effects on my family, because I think their grief is theirs to share, but I will seek to give you a glimpse at my own and how God has been beyond faithful in it.

        Losing my dad simultaneously broke and built me. There's a hole strategically located somewhere in my heart that twinges a little when I see a little girl and her daddy or at a father daughter dance or when I see a grown woman having a conversation with her father at Starbucks. Sometimes that twinge is stronger that others. I've battled with feeling that my grief was unwarranted after so long...like after fourteen years, a girl should get her act together, right? She should be over it(a product of the hyper-independence growing up in a single parent family produces). But I've come to realize more and more that a family is meant to have a father...we were created to be father, mother, and child...and that when that is missing, a longing emerges for that hole to be filled.

        I tried to fill that hole with everything...I ate food to cope, to feel control over something, and fill myself when I felt empty and usually spent hours of inactive things like TV that I hoped would drown out the thoughts of how much the world sucked. I found myself craving attention(usually from males) in the absence of a life with healthy male interaction. I filled my life with AP classes, leadership positions, and taking delight in being the funny and outgoing girl to  feel like I had worth and value. And if we're wanting to be completely honest here, I still struggle with many of these things. The human soul yearns after significance, and when I follow my flesh desires, I bring destruction into my life. My weight continued to balloon to and past the point of unhealthy. My heart would crave love, I would strive for love, I would put my stock and expectations into someone, they would let me down(even if it was just perceived), and I would either disconnect emotionally or lash out. When I wasn't the funniest or most outgoing or smartest or best leader anymore(not that I was before, but when I was clearly out of my league), I went into what was probably a year and a half of borderline if not full blown depression my freshman and beginning of sophomore year of college.

       DESTRUCTION. I had been hurt, and I hurt others in turn. Friendships fell apart or were never the same again. I sabotaged myself in the health arena. And I simultaneously tried to feed my soul with things that would neither fulfill nor benefit it.

       BUT(thank God for buts), God was weaving my story the entire time. I was Israel, gone astray, brought out of Egypt, guided to the promise land, but jacking EVERYTHING up every step of the way. I was Israel, chasing things that would destroy me instead of the One who would heal me, and it took me realizing that I was in self-destruct, that everything in my life was falling apart, for me to turn to God, find peace and joy and healing for the first time in a long time. He spoke whispers in my ear of redemption and of perfect Fatherhood. He said that everything that I had ever done, sins I had ever committed, people I had ever hurt, were wiped clean. He said that I was accepted, that I was His daughter loved and beautifully and wonderfully made. He said that He gave me security and love and worth when He died on the cross for me. And He said that He had knit me together, soul, body, mind for a purpose, and that part of that purpose was entering into the darkness of the world and bringing the light that He offers. He showed me that in a lot of the darkness, other people had daddy issues too, and that it would be selfish for me not to tell them that God was the perfect Father in the absence of an earthly one, that He would never leave, forsake, hurt, nor fail us when we were His.

        When I saw that I was secure and valuable and FREE, I no longer had to cling to the comfort of food, but I could follow God's command to treat my body as a temple and to honor Him with that without fear that I would have a breakdown and have a Ding Dong. When I saw that God gave me fulfillment and worth that would not fail or falter, I could emotionally engage with people and love them well and enjoy imperfect and genuine community without fear that they would abandon me. The perfect love of God really did cast out fear.

        I'm still imperfect, still listen to lies, still have wounds ripped open sometimes, and this is obviously not all of my story, but I think it's a big fat thread that runs right through the middle of the tapestry that God is still actively touching and weaving. If you've gotten to the end of this, PROPS for reading my ramblings, and thank you for engaging with me and for caring enough to read. If you have any questions, I am an open book and would love to talk more.


O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139 ESV)

Little Boy Sam

This is going to probably sound pretty trivial to most...if not all.... of you reading this, but it absolutely made my day. Background. I'm working at the big bad Starbucks for the summer before I move to Austin... I've been there coming up on two months, and it's been an extremely interesting experience. It's been a fascinating immersion into the "worldly" culture coming off of the high that was the Texas A&M "Christian Bubble" culture. I was guilty myself of bashing this aforesaid culture--and there are still things that I question, namely the tendency toward being poured into and not seeking opportunity to pour back out, to share truth and love....I digress. So it's been good--I've had some remarkable opportunities to grow and learn in my ability to relate to those that don't necessarily have the same views as I do and quite frankly live completely different lives than I do. It's been hard in the sense that I didn't have solid Christian community surrounding me or at the dial of a phone 24/7 and just PHYSICALLY being on your feet all day running around...goodness. I have a new-found 1) respect for those in the service industry 2)thankfulness for my college education 3)thankfulnes that I've been able to experience Christian community.

Anyway, then there are the customers. The few and far between will make legitimate eye contact, answer your question of how they are genuinely and return the question with a true concern about the answer. About as many will find SOMETHING to complain about(obnoxiously and rudely) and just SEEM to be out to just ruin your day. I've come to feel sorry for this customer...they obviously lack a peace and a strength that I am blessed to have, and if they have the mindset that it's OK to treat people that poorly, they have to be lacking in positive human interaction in their lives. And those in between kind of robot on through(that's not fair--R2D2 had far more personality than these guys)...they're wrapped up in their own lives they barely even look at you on their way through. I don't get it. 

In the midst of this little bit of monotony, the subject of this post, a boy named Sam. Maybe 9, max 10 with shorts and t-shirt, blue eyes, with glasses and freckles, he came in alone. He spent a while peering into the pastry case, considering the endless possibilities of sugar infusion. He finally approached the counter with wide-ish eyes and wad of cash and coins in hand. He smiles and requests the marble pound cake and as I reach over to the case visually throws the breaks on with a ",No no no no no! Wait! Lemon!" and then a little embarrassed at his outburst squeaks out an abashed, "Please?" I laugh and get him his piece of lemon, and he orders a grande caramel frappuccino(so much sugar...and caffeine, his poor parents). He hands over the cash with enthused thanks and walks away from the counter. I make his frapp and go to pass it off at the bar. I catch a glimpse of him curled up in one of the chairs and has this...just BLISSFUL look on his face as he devours his lemon pound cake. I call out, "Sam!....." and watch as he jumps as he is jerked away from his little bubble of paradise. He comes and gets the frappuccino and offers his gratitude with great thanks again. Little Sam made my day for this reason-- he was thankful, yes, and adorable, but it was his unhardened innocence, his engagement with the world around him and the apparent lack of bitterness with the world that I see in so many adults. It brought me hope for a future when peace and joy will be ours in abundance. It challenged me to be more childlike, to soften up and keep loving people regardless of what consideration they show me, and to soak up the little things like a kid. I sent up a little prayer for Sam, that whatever his story has been or will be, that he will never become hardened...that he will learn truth and be transformed by my Savior. Big prayer, but I have a big God that cares for Sam. No wonder Jesus loved the children and told us to be like them. My prayer is the same for you as it is for myself, my friends. Embrace the child in you. :)

Grace and Peace, 

KP

Heaven in a Handbasket

So....I literally wrote a post a couple of hours ago entitled, "Hell in a Handbasket,"  and although there was Scripture, I felt like my emotions were a bit dry. And honestly, I'm writing as I think with this one. I think I was still reeling from my little traipse through News-land. And after didn't help very much--I continued clicking through headlines and read about babies dying in hot cars, 9 yr. olds having children, and Obama telling Romney to suck it up about something or another.......Reuters does RARELY a happy Kate make. But the odd and lovely thing about all of this was that I would get this heavy feeling in my chest and then remember Christ and His love and a moment of peace would descend. And I know we(and especially I) zip around Christian keywords around like we're the Ranger fielders practicing before a game, but there is so much MEANING and glorious narrative behind them.

MERCY...rescue from punishment we deserve....James Holmes comes to mind. I was shocked when I heard about the Aurora shooting...my sinful heart thought, "What kind of depraved, selfish, EVIL man could mow down a room of people....killing little CHILDREN?...." The youngest death was a 6 year old BABY girl... a life cut short and a family left shattered. Of course that was just the beginning, but the point is that my heart turned to judgment and blame. And then that little voice that likes to give me proverbial slaps upside the head came along. The fact of that matter is that I, as a human, have just as much propensity to evil as James Holmes, Bin Laden, Hitler, Stalin, Adam, Mao, mean customers, abusive parents, Pontius Pilate, and a slew of other villains in history did. The ONLY thing that has held my raging sinful flesh back from self destruction, genocide, homicide, and significant moral terrorism is Jesus Christ. Even WITH Christ, I still allow my flesh to win the battle for my choices daily. The fact is that I have been shown MERCY. And I have been given

GRACE, a gift that I do not deserve. Not only did Christ defeat the punishment which I had earned on the cross, but He supplied me with wisdom and a purpose and a peace that make this broken life in this shattered world a joy and promised me an eternal life of light and hope without sin or death in His unadulterated presence. There we go again with the Christian keywords...unfortunately, these are a bit harder to describe if you haven't experienced them. Peace...more than just a lack of panic...it goes "beyond all understanding", an unshakable faith guarded by Christ. Joy- so much more than happiness...a higher vision of life based on eternal principles, not temporal ones.

I have no words to express how thankful I am for peace in the midst of this..scummiest of filth of a world. And that there is beauty in the small things...that there is laughter and love with family and friends, however flawed relationships are sometimes. That there is rain in the drought and warmth in the cold(or AC in the heat in this case...). That there are children who defeat all odds of their horrible childhood circumstances that grow up to be aflame for Christ and lead others to the same life. That we have been given music and nature and words and the senses to create and enjoy. These common graces in no way have as appreciable of an impact on our lives as Christ becoming nothing to become EVERYTHING, but that makes them no less worthy of Eucharist.

ANYWAY, Hopefully this is considerably less depressing than my former post. :) I'm going to just post the Scripture I referenced in my last post so that it's easily accessible.

LOVE, my friends. If you have any questions or want to discuss anything in this post, please, bring it on. :)



Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.
By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks. By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born descendants as many as the stars of heaven and as many as the innumerable grains of sand by the seashore.
These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.
By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, of whom it was said, “Through Isaac shall your offspring be named.” He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back. By faith Isaac invoked future blessings on Jacob and Esau. By faith Jacob, when dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, bowing in worship over the head of his staff. By faith Joseph, at the end of his life, made mention of the exodus of the Israelites and gave directions concerning his bones.
By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king's edict. By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and sprinkled the blood, so that the Destroyer of the firstborn might not touch them.
By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drowned. By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days. By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.
And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets—who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated—of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect.

(Hebrews 11 ESV)



For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

(Romans 8:18-30 ESV)